red blooded/white skinned/and i think i've got the blues

fuck this

2008-09-11T17:09:15Z

the only reason this shit exists is to start internet fights and air dirty laundry. this is my goodbye to something i should have abandoned long ago.

aslongasidream @ 2008-09-07T23:48:00

2008-09-08T03:49:29Z

it makes me so unhappy that there are people who see everything that i do, that i fight for, and that is meaningful to me and think that it is all some sort of bullshit front.

"im just not supposed to be happy" said a boy in two thousand and six

2008-09-03T03:13:00Z

i used to be one of those kids who romanticized sadness and self destruction
i only really felt like an artist when retracing the hurt and the ugly feelings
i only felt like i was really living when i felt desperately like i did not really wat to be alive
i used to think the only truly beautiful people were the truly sad ones

but now
when i have seen and tasted so much that is sweet
and have realized that all of the joys and pains i have experienced and want to experience
are dependent upon my being alive
not just surviving but really, euphorically, violently alive

i can still find beauty in sadness
but i understand that that beauty in pain and struggle
only exists in contrast to the joy that is sought beyond that unhappiness

and i can no longer enjoy things like the poetry of sylvia plath
and i honestly most of it as totally self indulgent
and petty

and i now wish that all those who feel how i used to feel
and romanticize self defeating self pitying despair
would learn to stop fighting their own happiness
and grow up
and feel the sun on their skin
and the bitterness in the breeze
and the blackberry tingle on their tongues

and start living for something else than their own eventual "perfect and romantic" suicide

probably because it's autumn...

2008-09-01T19:49:36Z

hey mom and dad

i'm falling in love with the idea of falling in love

again

encounters

2008-08-30T19:13:29Z

canadian punks are so much nicer and smarter than most american punks that i have met

aslongasidream @ 2008-08-29T09:13:00

2008-08-29T13:15:47Z

i hate that there are still people who think that everything i am is bullshit. i hate that they are ignorant of who i am and what i do, but that they can still think of me as this shitty person putting up a whole bunch of fronts. it makes me so upset, and even more upset that it matters to me at all.

to live and not just to survive

2008-08-25T13:24:03Z

there is a whole lot i still do not really understand
but i understand how to really be alive now
and as many holes as there are in all of those rebellious poems all those art school dropouts with a boner for guy debord scribbled down and turned into propaganda,
there is such a beauty in hooking up in the woods with a boy who makes you want to smash the state even harder
there is such a beauty in sitting up late around fire pits and singing
there is such a beauty in dancing in drag in a tiny kitchen
there is such a bauety in booty dropping a cop car
there is such a beauty in gathering sumac and then drinking sumac wine
there is such a beauty in walking down the streets at night and filling up your backack with stolen pears
there is such a beauty in shoplifting a picnic
there is such a beauty in swimming naked with countless other naked bodies
there is such a beauty in having a toddler climb on you
there is such a beauty in a stop sign by your house spray painted to say "STOP capitalism"
there is such beauty in being a defiant orgasm in the face of oppression

there is such beauty in really taking responsibility for your life for the first time
and there are parts of days of war nights of love that are so fucking true i could scream.

cosmonaut is fucking dead

2008-08-23T03:37:16Z

the last show was a lot like most of the shows
disappointing in some ways
i scream my heart out and dont let people really hear it
and now that part of my life is forever over
but im okay with it
im ready for something else
i just wish i hadn't taken the music for granted for so long
but im glad to let most of that go
that hodgepodge of too long held onto heartbreak
and politics crammed in where they didnt quite fit
im ready to make music that has a little bit more of me in it
or at least parts of me i hadnt been ready for
until now

blackfly ball

2008-08-18T02:15:10Z

recap of my weekend:

amazing dancing to the WHAT! cheer brigade

times two

dancing with tons of cuties

surprise jolie holland show

delicious free baked goods and homemade goat cheese

exploring machias

booty dropping jolie holland

snuggling with two cute people i like a lot

tenting uncomfortably at the beehive

booty dancing on a cop car with a cop inside

swimming near ellsworth

see all of the various places ariel has lived

its funny that the only other person i know who has moved around as much is also named ariel

being part of a failed attempt to dance battle some providence kids

coming home sweaty and exhausted but the happiest i've been in a while

aslongasidream @ 2008-08-05T09:32:00

2008-08-05T13:32:59Z

so many people are so completely wrapped up in themselves, and it is apparent throuh how they chose to represent themselves. i would encourage many people i know to go out, kiss someone under the night sky in the back of a moving truck, climb a mountain, have a noise party, fuck with a cop, learn about sex work, or just about anything that doesn't involve keys and a screen.

locust star

2008-07-20T20:19:08Z

i've come to the conclusion that neurosis is one of the best bands that will ever exist

isolate

2008-07-13T14:27:57Z

last night at jed i felt so much that i wanted to be part of world that i am still outside of. i like so many of these people so much. most of them are a least seven years older then i am, and i don't know if i'll ever really be their friend in a real way or at least i the way i want to be.

i feel so stupid; miles, jaime and her partner, and denise/sherie/ari/craig are all my neighbors and i never spend time with any of them. i have to change that.

going to musical triathlon also made me that much more depressed about the fact that we didn't perform this year. im going to walk into mecca with a bandanna over my face and a Molotov cocktail in his hand and demand they release ryan conrad

a million sweetnesses

2008-07-06T18:47:27Z

Sharon Van Etten and Noa Babayof are both beautiful and amazing musicians and i saw them last night in a second floor yoga studio with streetlight brightness creeping in between the blinds and illuminating their faces and the sounds of blond children giggling in the other room

"your tears will have honey in between, you will remain my indian queen"

noa also did an a'capella cover of scarborough fair

afterwards i ate ice cream with tyler, mo, denise, and sherie. one of the best highs in my life was induced by wonderful people and half baked ice cream

aslongasidream @ 2008-06-30T21:21:00

2008-07-01T01:21:54Z

I AM WALL E!

love is a kick in a bull market

2008-06-30T02:52:08Z

love don't make the world o round,
it holds it right in place

another skin trap,
another social weapon

most everyone is

2008-06-28T05:13:29Z

disappointing

aslongasidream @ 2008-06-25T18:13:00

2008-06-25T22:14:21Z

IF YOU ARE FIGHTING THAN YOU'VE ALREADY WON!

live for the century

2008-06-24T14:42:14Z

pop that bubble on your lips and splatter the city all over your cheeks

ocean breeze rolling out of my stomach and turning the cobblestones all sulfury and furious

take off all of your clothes and light a fire on the beach

take off all of your clothes and fuck the culture in every hole

aslongasidream @ 2008-06-23T10:43:00

2008-06-23T14:53:04Z

pink and black rowdy radical queers
surrounding corporate pride floats
blowing glitter on policemen

illicit dance parties in a park
not getting shut down due to sheer numbers
"I am a creator, the thrill is to make it up"

kissing in the back of a moving pickup truck while the streetlights are reflecting off of the glittery sweat on my back and arms

"i am here to destroy and to overthrow, i am here to build and to plant"

mars is farther away, and so are we

for the past three months every week, with the exception of one or two, has been twice as good as the one before it. this is that summer everyone always talks about wanting but is always to afraid to have.

i
am
a
dragonfly

aslongasidream @ 2008-06-18T11:43:00

2008-06-18T15:45:58Z

I LOVE RADICAL QUEERS!

Portland Pride Parade, you are in no way prepared...

aslongasidream @ 2008-06-17T11:38:00

2008-06-17T15:45:14Z

it's been a while since i've thought about autumn, but i think it
s unsafe not to keep it in my mnd, even when the summer is this exciting.

sometimes breezy summer nights are exactly like autumn afternoons

top five autumn songs last year:

(follow suit if you'd like)

bright eyes - gold mine gutted

secondhand stories - the evening

american football - honestly

the decemberists - red right ankle

antony and the johnnsons - spiraling

aslongasidream @ 2008-06-16T16:17:00

2008-06-16T20:18:57Z

i am sick and tired of gullible people being into ron paul

throw a rock in the machine

2008-06-11T13:31:54Z

my life is absolutely amazing

aslongasidream @ 2008-05-20T21:13:00

2008-05-21T01:14:59Z

i feel utterly isolated and alone

aslongasidream @ 2008-05-15T20:34:00

2008-05-16T00:35:02Z

lsd is terrifying